The Cure for Self-Pity

When Jude was six months-old, my wife and I were disappointed that he did not imitate us or do “tricks” like our friends’ children. When he was a year-old, we began to be frustrated, but by the time he was two years-old, we had grown increasingly concerned about his delayed language development. Now with a two and a half year-old, we have come to understand that Jude’s developmental delays are more pervasive than we initially thought. Thankfully, we are on the verge of receiving incredible amounts of help for him through therapy and diet.

[Above: Jude during a recent speech therapy session.]

Even so, we cannot help but wonder, “Why?,” and along with the “why” questions comes a host of “what” questions: What caused this delay? What could we have done to prevent it? What have we done to compound the problem?

In addition, as the head of the household, I am haunted by questions concerning my leadership responsibilities: Should we have come home earlier from Moldova when we realized Jude’s problems? Should I quit seminary and move home where Stacy could have the help of our parents and where I could better provide for our family? Should I take fewer classes and get a second job to help provide for even more tools to help Jude?

One night as I lay quietly in bed after a long, weary day, these questions multiplied like a spiritual virus. These infectious agents manifest themselves as the spiritual disease of self-pity. Self-pity destroys our vitality by removing our gaze from Him who gives abundant life and turning our gaze inward—Why me? What could I have done? What should I do?

But the doctrine of God’s providence silences the Satanic lies of self-pity. God delivered Joseph from self-pity by teaching him that what his brothers had meant for evil, God meant for good (Gen 50:20). In this, Joseph does not deny the responsibility of his brothers, but at the very same time—in a way that is mysterious and inexplicable—he affirms God’s absolute sovereignty over all the tragedies he had experienced.

Paul tells us that what was true of Joseph’s life is true of all those who love God and are called according to his purpose: “all things work together for good” (Rom 8:28). God is good, and every situation—good or bad, easy or difficult, right or wrong—through his infinite power and wisdom will result in glory for God and good for God’s children. It may look like our world is spinning out of control. We may question what we could have done or what we should do. Yet by faith—by focusing our gaze on Him, on who He is and on what He has done—we know that “the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Rom 8:18), and in this knowledge, self-pity dies.

So, why does my son have developmental delays? Because God is using this situation to bring about His glory and our good.